Secret Vanilla Letters
by pauseplay
Summary: I was trapped - the corpses scattered around me were the proof. I was trapped and the crimson eyes loomed in the darkness of the throne room. I was trapped and given an ultimatum to survive.
1. Prologue

Hi ^^.  
So, this is a new story and it's only going to be a few chapters long. This is just something to get me writing again (: I'll soon be back to Strained Nerves and Fairytales Connected ^^.

**Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer owns the Volturi, I just own Carmen.**

* * *

"Goddamnit, where the fuck is our food? Heidi!" I roared, slamming my hands down on my throne and thrusted forwards.  
"Caius."  
I skidded to a halt, my hand resting on the doorknob. "What?" I growled under my breath as my brother, Aro, appeared at my side. He laid his hand on mine. "Calm. Down."  
"She should've brought them here two hours ago." My eyes were resting on the dark mahogany door. I felt the rage soaring through every dead, cold veins and gritted my teeth together.  
"Don't." His penetrating gaze was pealing off my skin. I let out a sharp sigh and speeded back to my chair, muttering curses under my breath.  
Marcus came parading into the room, sitting down on the left side of Aro. "I'm hungry," he stated monotoneously.  
"She can't even do her job properly. We should just-"  
"_Caius!_" Aro barked, crossing the room within a split-second and glaring at me. "Stop being such an infant."  
"If Heidi would've came on time this wouldn't have been necessary."  
"Lay of off Heidi."  
I rolled my eyes. That excuse for a vampire was seriously getting on my nerves. Thinking she was almighty, like that. She was nothing more than a filthy cockroach, a disgrace to the Volturi. I growled again, placing my head on one arm.  
"Felix, will you go check what takes Heidi so long?" Aro commanded. Felix nodded and stormed off through the door.  
I huffed. "Bet she's drain-fucking someone in the closet."  
"ENOUGH," Aro's voice boomed through the room. The red in his black eyes was thrusting flames at me. I scowled back at him.  
Then he sat down in the middle, pinching the bridge of his nose and squeezing his eyes shut.  
Felix was back within moments. "Master, Heidi had some trouble on her way - she apologizes and will be right here."

_Apologizes, my ass._

I pulled my eyebrows together as venom pooled in my mouth. The scent of human blood drifted into my nostrils and I clenched my fingers tighter around the arm support. It was a mingle of plain iron taste on my tongue, flowers and vanilla.  
"The human with the vanilla scent is mine," I spoke, staring at the door.  
Both Marcus and Aro nodded stiffly. Their stare was focused on the door.  
The humans were close - I could hear their excited heartbeats as they walked through the hallway. Heels clicked on the marble floor, gasps filled the throneroom. The gazes were shifted towards us.  
Aro stood up as Felix closed the doors. He and Demetri took place in front of it.  
"Welcome, ladies and gentlemen in the throne room." He folded his hands together and plastered a smile on his face. There was content murmuring hearable.  
On kid tugged on the sleeve of his mother. "Mommy, why do those men have red eyes?"  
The humans started noticing that something was wrong. They gulped and their heartbeats accelerated. Perfect. Nothing tasted more delicious than fear.  
I scanned the room, fluffing out scents. Where was it? The vanilla scent was so strong I had to gulp down buckets of venom. _Where was it?_  
"Hey, let us out of the room!" A man shouted.  
Jane and Alec appeared through a back door. "Shut it," Jane said, smiling devilishly. The man screamed in agony, dropping down to his knees.  
"What the hell is going on here?" Someone at the back shouted.

Pathetic, frail, stupid humans.

The young boy started to wail, burying his head in his mothers coat. I bet Jane was going to take care of that one.  
"I'm afraid you're not going to leave this room," Aro said, nodding towards Felix who hit the lights.  
The humans started to scatter through the dark room. They couldn't see a darn thing, while we were in control - seeing their every move, hearing their every breath jagging against their airpipes. The vampires around me drifted off and soon your could hear the room filling with screams and cries. I smirked, walking off to find the one to who the vanilla scent belonged.  
The humans all ran off in different directing, right into the open arms of the vampires. They were lucky the vampires took care of them quickly. I strided through the screaming mass, sniffing up scents. Felix had a womand pinned against the wall. She was trying to push him away, without the desired effect, of course.

I folded my hands behind my back as I made my way to the middle of the room. I was coming closer - I just knew it. I already dreamed about sinking my teeth into the fragile aorta. I licked my lips and looked around me. Then it hit me - I caught a whiff of it and whirled around.

There she was. The owner of that mouthwatering scent.

A girl, definitely not older then eighteen. Her curls were bloody red and her skin was almost see-though. I snuck up behind her, breathing in her scent - moaning. I hardened in my pants and pressed myself against her. She twirled around at the sound of it. Her electric green eyes looked at me. She wasn't scared though. Damn it. I stalked forwards - she didn't pace back, trying to stare me down.  
"You don't know who you have in front of you."  
She shook her head, her curls bouncing up and down. Oh God, she was so tempting - just one step away from me.

"Don't touch that one, Caius." Aro snuck up, tugging me back. "She's gonna be quite useful." And off he was.

I couldn't disobey, but that girl... her scent sent me off into a frenzy. Damn. I roared like a wild animal, grabbing a man behind me and throwing him into the wall. He didn't have the time to realize what was happening because I ripped my teeth through his skin and started gulping down the blood. He was kicking me, punching me in the face and I had just about enough of him. I squeezed his arm until the bone snapped. He jerked wildly and I kept on draining him, while he was screaming for help. His blood was tasting like dirt in comparison to that girl's. Fucking Aro with his fucking gifts obsession.  
Then I moved on to the mother of the child. Her son was lying lifeless in front of her, so I didn't have any trouble with her. She didn't even protest when I sunk my teeth into her neck. She smelled like pancakes and sugar.  
Soon, the room was full of carcasses. Except for the girl, _my _prey. I snarled, standing up and throwing another body away. I had overdone myself today - six humans. Still, I craved for her blood so badly.  
Santiago turned on the lights. My eye caught that whore Heidi. I wished I could rip her apart the way she looked at me, licking her lips.  
"Afton, Corin, clean up this mess," Aro said, turning around to our thrones.

There was one heartbeat in this room and it was coming from behind my throne. I could see one red strand of hair peeping out from behind it.

"You can come out, child. We're not going to hurt you," Aro almost purred. It made me want to puke.  
She was trembling but did come out from behind the throne. Her eyes were spurred wide open and the way she stood there she looked more like a deer caught in the headlights.  
"Why?" She asked, her eyes skipping from Volturi to Volturi.  
_Yeah, why, Aro?_  
Renata moved to Aro's side, though the human obviously didn't form any danger to Aro. I huffed, tapping my foot impatiently.  
"You, child, are very special."  
Jane's head snapped towards Aro, she glared and stalked off out of the room. Alec looked a bit lost, wanting to follow his sister - but curiosity won and he stayed. Eyeing up the human girl.  
"Once turned - you will form a valuable addition to our coven."  
"What if I don't want to be a part of your coven?"  
Stubborn brat, did she even realize how lucky she was? "Then you'll be kept as my pet until you agree," I snarled, not looking at her.  
Marcus raised one eyebrow at me.  
The little girl didn't flinch. She just stood there.  
Would she really rather be my pet than becoming one of the guards? Not that it would really matter - I would still find a way to-  
"Alec, bring the girl to the left wing, then."  
I blinked. Wait, what?  
"You have a week to decide between joining us and death, after that we'll dispose of you," Aro stated, walking out of the room, before Alec hurried to the girl.


	2. All alone

Chapter 1 has arrived :3. I hope it doesn't disappoint you!

**Warning:** This chapter contains rape.

* * *

It was the first day. I knew the clock was ticking louder than it had ever done before and the sand from the hourglass slipped away through my useless human fingers. I knew if I kept on driving on this road at this speed the crossroad would come soon. I knew that every heartbeat only accelerated the advent of that day.  
I laid in the bed, my eyes wide open, staring at the motionless ceiling. I felt trapped. Like a little, grey mouse - trapped in the corner by a cat with crimson red eyes. Every time I closed mine, I could see the life being drained from the human beings around me. Tyler, the little child, claiming vampires would never hurt someone. Hilary, his mother, a pro at baking pancakes. Their eyes, glazed over. Their bodies, lying in a weird angle on the marble floor. Their blood, oozing from a gaping hole in their necks. I shivered and instantly listened if someone was in my room. It was useless, for I wouldn't hear a vampire enter. A tear escaped my eye and glided across my cheek into my hair. I was so cold, the airsupply was as if cut from me. The oxygen did reach my lungs and I couldn't taste it on my tongue.

Ten days.

That was all they gave me to decide. Maybe, it would've been better if they'd killed me. I couldn't possibly choose a life of such a monster. It was against everything I believed in.  
My parents. Oh God, how I wanted to see them. If I was dead, I wouldn't have an oppertunity to do so. Maybe, if they turned me into one of them, I shivered again, I could find a way to escape. A peephole in their tight security system of lethal vampires. But was it all worth it? Sooner or later, I would be forced to drink human blood. To drain innocent people, to see how their attempts grow weaker, to witness how the life flows out of their bodies right into my mouth.

I looked away to the window as the stars glittered in the perfect sky.

The young guard Alec had led me to one of their guest rooms. I wondered why they even had any but he just smiled as an answer. He seemed nice, but his eyes blazed fire. They could muster a fake sense of compassion but they were dead. And so was their expression. He had whispered that everything would be fine and I was safe. They wouldn't kill me because of this "gift" I possessed. When I wanted to ask about it, he had already left the room. Leaving me alone in a state of hysteria. The room was so big and there were so many corners that the light couldn't stretch up to. He could be standing in one of them, lurking with his red eyes. The one who already tried to kill me in the first place.  
"You're not sleeping," a voice stated.  
I stiffened in my tracks, clenching the blanket tighter in my fists. It was that voice that terrified me to the bone. "Did you expect otherwise?"  
He chuckled low. I didn't know where he was positioned, for I didn't dare to look. "You are a pathetic human after all."  
"Then why are you here if I disgust you so much?" I knew I was standing on thin ice after this question slipped through my lips. I kept on staring at the ceiling, stubbornly, not letting the weak human in me get a hold of my emotions. He wasn't going to have the fun of seeing me frightened.  
"Your blood." A cold wind swept across my bare skin. Then a cold hand touched my arm. I gasped. The grip demanded me to let go of the blanket. "It appeals to me in ways you will never know." He sniffed along the length of my arm. I gulped but continued on staring at the ceiling. He dropped my arm back onto the bed. "Undress."  
Shock jolted through my body and seated me upright in a jerk. "Come again?"  
"Oh, I definitely will. I said: undress." His face was expressionless, his eyes burned a hole right through me. My heart hammered erratic in my ribcage, I thought it was going to splinter the whole thing apart.  
"Didn't you hear me?" He roared. "Now!" His red eyes spat fire in the pale moonlight. His skin looked silvery. He looked more like an angel when he stood there but I doubted there was a fraction of kindness in that creature.  
I shoved the blanket of off me slowly, my hands shaking. My breath was grinding against my air pipes as I zipped open my green vest. The icy temperature made me shiver. I dropped the vest on the ground. He watched me carefully, his eyes the only thing moving. Next, I removed my jeans. The fabric was stubborn and I couldn't unbutton them at first. I tried to control my breathing as I took off my top, which left me in only my bra, underwear and socks. His eyes roamed my body. In a flash he was seated in front of me. I jerked away my legs and tried to pull them up. He grabbed my legs, resisting my urge to get the hell away from him. His touch was as cold as ice and his grip was as strong as iron. "You're hurting me," I whispered, trying to free my legs.  
"Then don't be so foolish to protest," he glared and let go of my legs. I got the hint and stayed still as his hands meandered up my thighs. He let his hands glide up my stomach, the muscles contracted where he touched me. Next, he unhooked my bra - leaving my breasts exposed. My underwear followed. He took off his pants before I noticed he was moving and before he thrusted into me I felt how his teeth ravaged my neck.

The sun shone into the room as I stretched out and flinched at the pain. I opened my eyes, immediately knowing where I was and what had happened the night before. I shot up, my body antagonizing. Every inch hurt, burned and felt absolutely broken. I looked at my arms. They were all covered in purple bruises, that looked like fingerprints. I uncovered the rest of my body and gasped at the sight. There were bruises everywhere I looked. My pelvis was alight and aching badly. As was my neck. I brought up one arm and brushed softly along the fresh wound. My fingers were covered with blood when I pulled them back.  
I pulled my legs upas my brains raked towards last night. Or maybe it was this morning. I wasn't entirally sure. I locked my hair behind my ears. The images flashed in front of me, unfolding and unwrapping into the horrible truth. I started trembling, feeling absolutely filthy. A shower, that was what I needed. I crossed the room naked and ran into another room. It was all again covered with marble. There wasn't any shampoo or shower gel so I had to do without. The temperature of the hot water wasn't enough to reach down to the center of the agony. However, I did untie my strained nerves and skin. The bruises hurt whenever a drop of water would slam into it but I took it for granted. Afterall, he _did _leave me alive. I was almost on the edge of passing out when he'd come, my lips forming silent words. He sucked the venom out of me again before running out of the room. A shiver ran down the length of my spine as I remembered his silky soft hair brushing against my skin.

The bathroom was getting steamed up and I couldn't see past the glass walls of the shower cabin. As I stood underneath the water I drew a smiley face, smiling a little myself. Depression wouldn't get me far. I should stop moping around and try to make a decision. I turned off the water and stepped out into the huge space. Were they compensating something up with this size of the rooms? No, definitely not the vampire who was with me last night...  
I dried myself off with a towel that was hanging in the bathroom, looking at my silhouette in the steamed up mirror. I did not want to see how beaten up I was or how my hair was such a disarray I wanted to cut it off myself.

So I tiptoed back into the bedroom and put on the clothes I had on yesterday. Maybe, there was a way to escape this hell-hole. I opened the door for an inch and peeped outside. The sight that I saw was unwelcoming. Brick walls and a long hallway. My heart started beating loudly. There seemed to be no one around. I snuck out of the room. The water was dripping out of my hair and onto the floor beneath my feet. I hoped they couldn't hear that.  
I started by placing one foot in front of the other slowly. Every step hurt and I had to bite down hard on my lip to keep me from shrieking. My eyes kept on flickering from one side to the other. It was dead silent. The only thing hearable were my footsteps from time to time. After moving a step, I stayed put to listen if the peace in this graveyard wasn't disturbed. Nope. Then I stepped forward again.  
I stood in the middle of the hallway, now across the corridor and with my back to the door of "my" room. Which way? Left or right? My mind told me to go left but my body screamed right. I decided to go right. Left was a hell of a lot darker. I crept past closed doors and terrifying paintings. The wood around me was dark but the walls were broken white. Everywhere were red accessories with golden finishing touches and emblems. There also were these weird crests, a big V with a family shield, I guess, and a red stone. My breathing was shaking and hitched everytime I thought I saw a shadow appear. I was now too far from my room to turn around and run. I could never outrun a vampire. Christ, why did I have to leave my room?  
I inched closer to the end of the hallway, where sunlight fell through a small window, located high above my head. Did vampires sleep? If not, I would be royally fucked.  
My heart stopped beating and dropped down to the pit of my stomach when I saw what the end of the hallway looked like.  
There were three doors placed next to each other. There was nothing else but those doors. I gulped as panic strick me. What now? I didn't know. I backed up slowly, still staring at the three doors. They were identically, the same and had absolutely no differences whatsoever. I should've listened to my body's decision. I should've gone left. But what if left ended in a stupor as well?

What if this was a maze I couldn't get out of?  
What if...

Then the small of my back collided with a table. I jerked around, just in time to see an expensive looking vase wobble heavily. My breath hitched. I was frozen and my feet suddenly felt like lead. Time didn't slow down, the vase didn't fall in slow motion - it fell fast and tumbled to the ground. I couldn't move to catch it - I couldn't move at all.  
My eyes registered everything, my brain shut down and the panic almost made me pass out. The vase hit the wooden panels and crashed in a ear deafening sound. The shards flew around in different directions and I couldn't breathe. My heart had stopped entirely and my mouth was dry. As if I'd eaten sand.  
The next second everything sped up again. A blur of movement appeared in the corner of my eyes and suddenly an overtowering figure stood next to me. His glare, I wanted the ground to swallow me whole.  
"Are we going somewhere?" His cold voice snarled low.  
I was caught by the fierceness of his eyes. "I- eh, I," I gulped down a bunch of nothing and tried to form a coherent sentence, "I w-wanted to, eh, I'm hungry so I-" I shut up when I noticed he wasn't buying it. "So, yeah, where's the kitchen?" I stammered, hiding my hand palms behind my back.  
He lifted his hand to my neck, pushing aside my wild curls. I didn't flinch at his coldness, afraid that he would snap like yesterday. "Your wound is already healing nicely. Now go back to your room and don't let me ever see you sneaking out again!" He added in a harsh voice that made my skin crawl.  
I nodded, backing up at first but then turning around and starting to run as fast as my body would move. Out of breath I reached my room, slipped and hurried into it, closing the door and leaning against the dark wood. The room was still empty. I let out a huff of air and stepped towards the bed, to let myself fall on it. The ceiling looked exactly the same.

There was some unintelligible murmuring in the hallway. Too bad, it was too low for me to hear. My stomach growled and I turned to one side, pulling my legs up to my chest and hugging them with my bruised arms. Oh, how easily I bruised. The veil in front of the window hid a landscape from me, so the only thing I could see was the sky, overruled by thick clouds.  
A soft knock reached my ears. "Yeah?" I wasn't sure how to respond, so I sat upright with my heartbeat accelerating again - ready to run off.  
Instead of the evil vampire I thought would enter, Alec's bright face appeared. He almost made me smile. Almost. "Master Aro send me to bring you food." He placed the silver tray on the commode. I looked at it and then back at him. His eyes were observing my every move. Though he may act friendly, he was still here to guard me from running off. He was also trapping me and holding me back with chains. "Tell Aro that I said thank you." My stomach growled again. Alec chuckled. It was a pleasant sound to hear.  
Then his expression stiffened and turned into a scowl, as he stood there in the door opening, his hands folded together in front of him. "He also wanted to know if you'd already made your decision."  
His words jolted through me and filled me up. He picked up my schock easily. "It's no big deal, really. Just three days and then you're body will have no limits." He looked over my arms. "And those won't show up anymore."  
I tried to keep my voice even as I spoke. "You kill innocent humans. Your eyes are red from their blood. Don't you ever feel ashamed?" I hoped that came out as rude as possible.  
"No." A small smile tugged his lips upward and he stepped out of the room.  
The door was closing when a question rose inside of me. "Alec?"  
He stuck his head back inside the room. "Yes?"  
"Do vampires sleep?" I asked, looking at him and blinking for both of us.  
"No, unfortunately not. Enjoy your meal," he said before he closed the door and left me with more things to think about.

No guilt. No shame. No sleep. Maybe insanity got to them all. That surely would explain a hell of a lot.

On the tray was pasta, next to it a glass with orange juice. The saliva pooled in my mouth as I licked my lips and put the tray on the bed. Then I carefully climbed on myself and grabbed a fork to vacuum the food inside. If it was poisonous, I didn't care - it was delicious in every meaning of the word. The orange juice was freshly pressed. Did they have cooks here? And for what purpose if the only thing they drink was blood? Another dozen of questions popped in my mind. Hopefully, Alec was willing to answer my burning questions. I gulped down the rest of the orange juice and set down the glass. As soon as it hit the tray the door sprung open and Alec appeared again. "Done?"  
I nodded and he was with me before I blinked. "Thank you for bringing me the food," I muttered.  
He smiled genuinely. "You're welcome."  
And gone he was. Leaving me alone in the big room, taking away the spark of warmth and friendliness.

I huffed, crawling to the headbord of the bed, leaning against it and sitting cross-legged. When I sank into deep thoughts I started doodling on the blanket with my mind. I saw a meadow unfold itself in front of me. The grass carpet with the colorful flowers, the sky blue like on a summer's day. The breeze broke down the walls surrounding me, enclosing me - leaving only the timeless space and time. No pressure about the ten day limit, no hourglasses - no vampires.  
I imagined myself walking with bare feet, my hair pulled up loosely. My body was fully charged with energy that rejoiced through every vein, every heartbeat. How could someone give this up? I walked further through the meadow, the sun shone on my face. On every place that was bared. I breathed in clean air. I felt pureness in my lungs and it tasted heavenly.

Right then and there I decided I wouldn't become a vampire.

When my eyes opened themselves again, it was night. The light from the moon slipped inside and set the room alight in cold fire. I blinked, unwrapping myself from the uncomfortable pose I'd laid in. Automatically, my eyes scanned the room for abnormalities. There were none. I exhaled and climbed underneath the blanket. How should I tell them?  
I could already see myself standing in the throne room, in the middle of the huge space. The three vampires sitting on their thrones, glaring at me as the words would leave my mouth. Then one snap and it would all be over. I gulped. I really needed to escape, there was no other way, except dying. Become a monster wasn't an option. I jerked my eyes open and flung myself out of bed, running quietly towards the window. I shoved aside the veil and pressed my nose against the window. There was a balcony with ringlets and curled metal. I stood on my toes, looking down, past the balcony.  
It wasn't high and if I would jump it would hurt that much. I could even try to jump into the tree nearby. Adrenaline started to build up in my stomach and I could see myself escaping. But where would I go after that? I could see a forest at the horizon and before that fields and before that a public square. The only problem was ... the guards. Even if I couldn't see them, they were there. Following my every move, looming in the shadows - invisible.  
I walked back to the bed. So, what if I tried to escape during daytime? Vampires burned in the sunlight, right? I had to ask Alec and then wait for a couple of days so it wouldn't be that obvious. I needed an excuse to ask such a thing. A plan started to form in my mind and the more I thought about it - the more I knew this was the right thing to do.

I fell asleep easily, counting down the seconds before day two would arrive.

When I woke up, breakfast had already been served - that was the first thing I noticed. When I slowly sat upright I saw two crimson eyes looking at me with curiosity. I shrieked and slapped one hand in front of my mouth.  
"Goodmorning, I'm sorry for startling you," Alec apologized.  
I drew the blanket up a bit. "How long have you been sitting here?" I eyed him suspiciously.  
"For about three hours. You were sleeping very peacefully - I just couldn't bring myself to wake you."  
My guts wrenched together as I considered the idea of him sitting here, staring at me. He was here, at the moment I was the most vulnerable. He had the ability to do absolutely anything... I shivered.  
"Aro also told me to bring along some clothes."  
"He did?" My voice went flying.  
Alec nodded then he stood up and rushed back to me with the tray of food. I flinched and he placed the tray on my legs, carefully. "He also wanted to know if you've made a decision yet."  
He raised one eyebrow at my heartbeat skyrocketing. "No, I will need more information before I can make one." _Please, don't make it sound like a lie..._ He hesitated for a second. "Sure, what do you want to know about us, the revolting monsters?" He grinned.  
I chuckled, feeling the mood become lighter immediately. I think, we could get along quite nicely - except for the obvious fact that he's a vamp. "So, it takes three days for one to become like, er, you."  
Alec nodded.  
"How does it feel like, transforming - or whatever you call it?" I decided to start off with basic questions, as I shoved a piece of croissant in my mouth.  
"It feels like you're thrown into hell for three long days. You burn alive but can't move or scream for someone to just kill you already. Yeah, it's not pleasant, but look at the outcome," he gestured up and down his own body.  
I had already went into shock when he said that you burn alive. "The outcome of being a mindless killer? Wow, awesome," I scowled. Alec laughed. It was the first time I had heard him laugh and it sounded like bells. "Ouch!" He replied.  
A smiled tugged at the corners of my lips. "Okay, next question," I thought deeply for a couple of second as Alec stood there motionless, "What is the outcome exactly? I mean, do you guys like turn into bats and burn in the sunlight?" _Bingo!_  
He snorted. "No, but we do have some extra features. We're fast," he crossed the room before I had seen him move, "We're strong, have sharpened senses and some of us have extra gifts. Aro, for example, can read the person's thoughts by just touching them and Marcus can see relationships."

I had no clue who Aro or Marcus were and it didn't matter.

"As for the sun, I think you should see for yourself." He gestured me to follow him out of the room.  
"But, I'm not allowed," I stammered, putting aside the tray and jumping out of bed. "The one with the blonde hair forbid me."  
"Who, Caius? He's just and old nag. Come on." Alec slipped out of the room and into the long hallway. Probably, it wasn't wise to trust a vampire but I followed him to the end of the hallway - to the three doors. Instead of walking towards them, he walked towards where the sun met the wooden panels. He was rolling up his sleeve when I stepped closer. "You ready?" He had a devilish smile on his face.  
"Eh, sure?" I watched the sunlight collide with his skin and bounce off again. I gasped, trying to make sense of what I just saw. His whole skin was glittering, no _sparkling_, like diamonds. My eyes flickered to his, he had a shit-eating grin plastered on his face, and back to his arm. "Can I - touch it?" My eyes flickered back again, just in time to see him nod. My fingers were shaking slightly when they made contact with his cold skin. I felt his muscles stiffen at my touch and I brushed lightly up and down the length, fascinated. It felt like skin, but why did it sparkle?  
"We, er - don't go out in the sunlight when people are around," he started talking again, following my fingertips with his eyes, nervously. Then he retreated his arm and closed his eyes for a couple of seconds. "I'm sorry - I'm not used to ... I mean, I never before interacted with a human without the purpose to kill them."  
I gulped, taking a few steps back.  
He opened his crimson eyes again. "Don't worry, I won't hurt you - it's just that your blood smells really good." He flashed a perfect row of teeth.  
"W-what does it smell like?"  
"Vanilla."


	3. Still not breathing

Short chapter comin' up (: 

* * *

**Chapter 2**

When we were back under the protection of my room, Alec stayed. We talked for hours about being a bloodsucker. My mouth began to dry up but my tongue kept on moving. Soon, I was feeling comfortable with his presence but everytime he moved - and that wasn't very often - I flinched. Or when his red eyes began to spark with interest, it terrified me. It wasn't his fault though, I could see he really wasn't going to hurt me. Still, I sat all the way back against the head bord, while he was seated at the foot end of the bed.  
Precaution measures, I think.  
"So, what is your name anyway?"  
I blinked with my eyes. "Carmen."  
"Huh, we once had someone from the Volturi run away with a girl named Carmen..." He sank away in his thoughts. "Anyway, where are you from?"  
How did the subject turn to me all of a sudden? "London, England. I was here on a vacation, for the first time alone and - well, ended up here," I threw my arms up and gestured around me.  
"Haha, atleast it wasn't boring."  
"I'd rather have it boring than being here."  
I saw that he was hurt for a split-second but then he recovered his expression.  
"I'm sorry - but I mean, I don't belong here with you. I never hurt anyone, I'm prone to feeling guilty. My favorite sound is a heartbeat and I..." I let my voice drift off, looking at my hands fumbling with the blanket underneath me.  
"I understand. This must be hard for you, sometimes I forget that not everybody wants to be like us."  
I looked up at him, he was staring out of the window. "I bet it must be wonderful, never aging - never feeling vulnerable, it just isn't the life for me."  
"Would you rather be dead than live with guilt?" His eyes flickered back to my face, studying it carefully for any sign of emotion. I didn't show any. "Yes."  
"So that's your decision then? Die?"  
_Crap! Crapcrapcrapcrap CRAP!_ The trembling started in my fingertips and moved ever so slowly throughout the rest of my body. "N-no, I-I..." I gulped, trying to find words to speak.  
"Aro won't be pleased." He was already standing by the door.  
"DON'T!"  
He stopped in his tracks, doubling over the fact whetether to go or not. "Please, don't," I pleaded again, trying to get his to stop with my mind, with every fiber in my being.  
"Why do I listen to you?" He gruffed, turning around with his teeth grinding together. It's like he wanted me dead and served as his dinner. I exhaled, leaning back against the back board. "Because I'm very convincing."  
Alec smirked. "It's your choice, Carmen. However, isn't it better to get it over with, than sitting here in fear, while couting off the days 'till you die?"  
I shook my head vigorously.  
He sighed, as if he needed any air. "As long as you know that I'm always ready to deliver the message."

I gulped at his words.

When Alex had left my room, Aro had summoned him to the throne room and Jane wasn't all too happy to see him with me, I decided to take another shower. I felt engrossed, violated, almost even depressed. In the closet I only found a dresses. No jeans! Damn. In addition, there only were very explict pieces of lingerie. Someone even got me suspenders! And not the kind that keeps up your pants...  
I went with the black lacy underwear and matching bra. It was the less see-through thing. I wondered who'd picked out these clothes.

The steam again filled up the bathroom, but now mingled with a sweet rosy-scent. Whoever picked everything out, I was thankfull it also took my humand needs in consideration. I closed my eyes and let out a soft sigh, letting the tension go. I followed the water running down my spine - little droplets teaming up to unwind my nerves from all over the place, to fold them up where they're supposed to lie. My fingertips glided through my hair to wash out the shampoo. There was a lot of foam, a lot of aroma. I loved the scent of newly blossomed roses. They were so rare, so innocent when covered in glistering dawn. A humm rolled over my lips. Why did they treat me this good? I thought I was a prisoner.

From the corner of my eye, I saw a door open and close swiftly. I froze, stepping back. I think I just take my words back, thank you.  
"Well, hello, Carmen," a voice muttered approvingly.  
I gulped and squeaked a feeble "hi".  
A blur of movement shot to the shower cabine and the door was jerked open. Caius' crimson eyes were sliding up and down my body. I wanted to cover it up, my hands already halfway up. "Don't," he growled under his breath and I was immobilised instantly. His large posture loomed over me and I was once again caught in the way he moved, breathed, rejoiced. His lust-filled arms gripped at my love handles, pulling me into his rock hard chest ... and other body parts that were hardened. Goosebumps covered my arms as his tongue demanded entrance. He pushed me against the wall, my back colliding with it harshly. I yelped quietly as Caius moved his cold hands across my body. His eyes were glazed over as he filled me up entirally, letting out a snarl of lust.

When he left, I stood there underneath the shower, turning up the temperature until it burned. I couldn't stop trembling - I couldn't stop. Images, flashes of things that occured kept on creeping in my mind and I was too feeble to protest. I quickly stepped out of the shower, dried myself off and looked at myself in the mirror. The girl's eyes peeped back, widened with schock, terror. Her red ringlets were lying flat against her face, drooping and dripping waterdroplets onto the marble floor. She looked a whirlwind of emotions - every one erupted in her electric green eyes.

Except disgust.

I kept on searching for that one, but it was nowhere to be found. There wasn't any disgust when she thought back of the things that happened, no, there was only fear and panic. I grabbed a bottle of soap from the shelve and hurled it against the mirror. It smashed apart, sharves of went flying and my eyes bore into the crippled image of the girl. She was misformed and dislocated, with sharp lines crossing her face and tangling the image into a ghotly appearance. I took a shaky breath, got dressed and paraded out of the bathroom to curl myself up on the bed.

Day two crawled to it's end and day three made an entrance. I had been busy eyeing the door all night, to the point my insomnia glided over to insanity and I started hallucinating. Now the dawn was breaking, creeping silently into the room. My eyelids were drooping but I held my ground. He could come in any second now and push me around. He could make me feel ... things. I shuddered and clutched my sides, pinching the bruises in a feeble attempt to stay awake. It was hard to deny the weight trying to pull me down. It was also hard to deny the passing days. They flied by. This was already the third. To make it sound more I converted it in hours, then minutes - until I ended up with empty seconds. 604 800, 604 799, 604 798 seconds to be exact.

I turned away from the window, crawling down the pillow 'till I was lying on the mattress.

The door creaked open - I payed no attention to it. A voice spoke, it wasn't Alec's. "You are summoned to the throne room." It was Jane's. When I let my eyes flicker towards her, I noticed she was glaring me down.  
I slumped out of bed, pulled on my green sweater and followed her. Her posture was the complete opposite of mine. It was stiff and unfriendly, like she held the entire universe in the palm of her hand. I was looking like I was standing in the palm of her hand, at her mercy, and she was about to crush me in her fist. I tried to make myself as small as possible to make the impact not too painful.  
We walked into the throne room - immediatly I looked at the floor and saw the bodies scattered, the blood spreading on the floor. Except the fact they weren't there. The floor was spotless clean and cold as ever. I didn't tear my gaze away from it. Jane stayed behind at the door and I stopped too. Did she expect me to go there all by myself? My knees started to wobble and my stomach was dropping down to the area of my bowels.

"Come, my child - don't be afraid."  
"Go!" Jane hissed and I decided it was better to get the hell away from her, so I grabbed all my courage together and shuffled forwards. "You...wanted to see me?" I avoided the cold stare of Caius.  
"Yes, indeed." The dark haired man gestured towards one of the guards, who rushed towards me. I took a step back, a reflex to the brutal strength hidden beneath the surface. He placed something in my hands, as soon as I saw what it was blood froze in my veins. "What is this?" I already knew what it was, but I couldn't understand. "Why?"  
"We will explain everything later, go take them."  
I looked around the room helplessly, the ground was slipping from underneath my feet. Alec caught my panicked expression and offered to guide me back to my room. Three heads nodded.

We walked at a human pace back to my room. Both silent by what'd just happened.  
"You told them!" I shrieked. "I can't believe I trusted a damn bloodsucker like you!"  
He looked hurt when he spoke again. "I didn't. Aro, I told him about you - he saw our conversation in my mind."  
"They are going to kill me, aren't they?" I gulped, the trembling starting in my toes and moving up.  
Alec nodded.  
"Did they send you here to do it?"  
He shook his head. "Otherwise they wouldn't have given you the pregnancy tests."  
They felt like hot iron in my hands. "Why? How long do I have left?"  
"Go take them and I'll tell you," he casted his eyes down and in a blur moved to the bed. He laid down on it, placed his hands underneath his head and stared at the ceiling. That all in less than a second.

I walked into the bathroom without a word and took the tests. Then the waiting started. I was sitting on the floor, the three tests spread out in front of me. I felt enclosed, surrounded by them. With each and every second that passed, I trembled even more. I hugged my legs and placed my head on my knees - trying to make myself invincible. I felt detached from my belly. What if some kind of monster was growing there? I was being used, like something you could despose of. Vampires were cruel creatures.

After a while, Alec rapped his knuckles against the door. "Can I come in?"  
I nodded, oblivious to the fact that he couldn't see it.

The door opened and he stepped in, finding me curled up on the floor. The results weren't in yet, but they would be any second now. Alec sat down beside me, not saying a word. I didn't bother either. Alec was the first one to notice the results were in - he stiffned a bit, but then recomposed so that I wouldn't know. I did notice - I was just too afraid to look.

"Don't tell me," I whispered softly.  
"I won't," he vowed. "It's your baby."  
"What!?" I jumped and my eyes darted to the first test. Negative. Then the second one. Negative. And the third one. Negative. "You liar." I shoved him playfully - he even swayed as if it'd bothered him. I didn't know what to feel on the inside though. I felt relieved first and foremost - but if they wanted me pregnant, they would try until I was... I shuddered. So that was Cauis' purpose. He would keep on doing what he did before until those tests turn positive. I had no doubt he would be the last face I see.

"Are you okay?" He whispered then, back to serious.  
I shook my head. "I'm going to die."  
"You knew that the moment you said no," he sighed.  
"But I didn't say a definite no yet."  
"See? That's the problem, that 'yet' has gotta go." Suddenly two arms snaked around me and I was lifted up in the air. Before I could grasp what was happening - I was lying in my bed.

I let out a quiet sob. This wasn't the life I wished for myself.

"Rest." Alec was about to walk out of the room when I called him back.  
"Please stay with me ... I'm scared," I whimpered, tears rolling down my cheeks. He _was_ a vampire and he _could_ get tempted any second but I needed some reassurance. Even if it was fake. And maybe, just maybe if Alec would be here, then Caius wouldn't. "Please, please, please, please," I started crying and his my face in the blanket.  
"I can't, you know I can't. I have to inform Aro about the results and-" he held quiet when the sobs poured into a tantrum of wild tears. I kept on reapeating the word 'please', wishing with my entire being that he would stay. A whirlwind of air rushed around me and then I felt the bed move. He kept quiet and his distance. I couldn't say that of me. I clamped onto him like my life depended on it. My fists grabbed his black shirt and I buried my face in it - taking in his scent. It wasn't agressive like Caius'. It was soft and mellow.  
Alec didn't know how to react to this affectionate side of me. He was probably trying to not kill me at the same time. It must've been hard for him. I shuffled closer and enveloped his waist in a hug. He gulped, stiffning entirally. It was like hugging a statue but I didn't care. I haven't felt affection for a very long time.  
"I miss my mum!" I shrieked in his shirt, my hysteria muffled by the fabric. My entire body was ravaged.  
"I'm sure you do," he choked out.  
"Please hold me," I whined. I was already asking too much from this poor guy.  
Slowly, very, very slowly there was pressure applied to my body. I felt his fingertips creep on the fabric of my clothes. I shivered and tried to melt myself into him. His arms were just loosely draped around me, but it was enough - for now.  
"I'm sorry," I whispered when my tears had stopped falling and staining his shirt. Alec was silent the entire time, though he did rub my back softly.  
He didn't answer, so I looked up at him. His eyes were closed and he seemed ... dead. "I'm so sorry - I don't know what came over me. You may go now if you want I was not thinking I-".  
Then he opened his now pitch-black eyes. "Don't worry, I'll stay."  
"Why?"  
"Because you asked me to." A hint of a smile lit up his face. Though I wasn't entirally sure it was one.

I liked the hallucination that it was one.


	4. Experiment

Hi ^^. Thank you all for the reviews! I really appreciate it and so does Alec :3.

* * *

**Chapter 3**

Apparently, I'd fallen asleep during the process. When I awoke, I looked into a pair of red eyes. You would've though I would be used to it by now. Well, you thought wrong. The sight of them made my stomach churn.  
"What are you doing here?" I yawned. He should've been gone by now - there really was no reason to stay.  
"Observing," he flashed a smile.  
I cocked one eyebrow as answer. A vampire's mind was such a closed book to me...  
"We never had a human in our home for other purposes than ... feeding," he gauged my expression, which stayed in place, "you are truly an interesting specie."  
"Never heard that compliment before," I muttered, dazed.  
Alec blinked and kept on staring into my eyes. My stomach fluttered and dropped. He was eerie, dangerous, unpredictable ... and so enticing. "Damn you vampires." I closed my eyes and turned on my back. My stomach felt exposed and now that my eyes were closed I was vulnerable. Let's just leave out the fact that I was a human surrounded by vampires, therefor always vulnerable - thank you.

"Could you ..." Alec's sentence died as soon as it was born.  
"Just make up my mind already? Alec, I really don't feel like-" My rambling was cut off by him again. What he said was soft but he'd definitely said what I thought I'd heard him say.  
"Lie still for a minute."  
"I don't trust you vamps." I opened my eyes again and they darted off to his on their own accord.  
"And I don't trust myself. That's why you have to lie still." He was too stubborn - I knew I wasn't going to win this battle. He would force me to lie still if I didn't yield. So I did the only thing that was possible. I nodded and closed my eyes again. If it was going to hurt, I would rather have my eyes closed. Caius always wore a content expression when he saw me whimper and _that_ was even more dreadful than the things he did... Alec's touch caught me completely off guard - it was careful. First, I felt his fingertips on my hand, then they moved to my wrist. I sucked in a sharp breath. My veins were exposed. Soon, I would feel sharps teeth entering my skin... But they didn't. He pushed my sleeve out of the way when his fingers traveled up my arm. He followed the path of one of the veins. I kept still. At some point I just imagined myself being a statue, in order not to set him off. This was dangerous enough as it was.  
Alec came to the point were my sleeve just wouldn't budge. He let it be and moved on. I felt his hand glide underneath my shirt and stopped collecting air. This was going to end badly, I just knew it wasn't safe to trust a bloodsucker. They were all the same. Every single one of them. A tear betrayed me. His hand stopped on my belly button, his palm touching my skin ever so lightly.  
"Breathe," he gasped.  
I dragged in a shaky breath.  
"Keep on breathing," his voice barely a whisper in my ears.  
I did what he said, fearing for my life.

There was silence.  
And my breathing.

His icy hand warmed up while resting on my naked skin. At first I shivered, for it caused goosebumps to blossom on my arms, but then it was warm enough for me to relax. Well, not really relax, though.  
Alec was the first one to speak up again. "You're soft. I don't remember this kind of soft."  
My eyes remained closed. My mouth remained closed. My other senses were highly alert.

"I wonder," he murmured mostly to himself.

The bed dipped underneath his weight when he moved, removing his hand from underneath my shirt. His next destination was even more dangerous though. He trailed his fingertips alongside my neck. Upwards. Then he traced my jawline. His touch was warmer than before. It was my temperature that'd warmed him up. I wondered how that must feel. Touching skin for the first time in your new life. His fingertips found my lips. The light that I could see from behind my eyelids was suddenly cut off. Shadows were casted upon me and I knew it was him hovering over me.  
My mouth remained closed. His breath fanned across my face, it was sweet.

"May I? It would be purely platonic - I'm just ... curious." He sounded more like a fragile human boy, than one of the most feared vampires around.

I pondered my options. He has definitely pushed past his boundaries today, I didn't know where his snapping point was. I did the most stupid thing I could do at that point - open my eyes. Two black orbs stared back, filled with curiosity. I gulped, entranced. Dazzled. Alec was definitely hovering over me. His gaze held patience, as if he could possibly understand what I was going through at that point.  
"I'm sorry, I'm pushing my luck here." A small smile graced his lips.  
Here comes the part where you see why it was so stupid to open my eyes. My fingers grabbed the collar of his shirt. His eyes flickered back to me. What the hell was I doing anyway? Wondering if it would be the same as kissing an ice cube! Since my voice had given up on me - I nodded. Alec understood what I meant by that. He inched closer until his nose was touching mine. The contact send a burning sensation through me.  
"This is the part where you could get killed."  
"I could get killed every second while being here."  
Another smirk. Then his expression turned serious again. It lasted an eternity but then I felt his lips. They were cold but mine burned while moulding against his. Alec was careful, his kiss felt a bit like the wings of a butterfly, flitting against my lips. My breath accelerated and I started gasping for air. Soon, just feeling his lips on mine wasn't enough. My body reacted so weirdly to his touch. My hands flew up and entangled in his hair, pulling his closer. Alec drew in a ragged breath and complied. His arm moved so it was now on the other side of me - he had me trapped. He grazed my bottom lip between his teeth and applied pressure. I whimpered slightly and then felt him sucking on it. A sound, similar to a low growl left his throat. I realized there was blood escaping from the puncture wound he had created with his teeth. My eyes searched for his and found an animal. I gulped. He snarled and his eyes pierced mine. He let go of my lip and dragged his across my jawline, all the way down until he reached the pulse point in my neck. He captured a vein between his teeth and snarled again.  
"Alec," I whispered. "Stop it."  
His hands suddenly grabbed my shoulders and he pinned me to my mattress.  
"It hurts - you're hurting me, Alec!"  
I started slapping and kicking him and damaged myself in the process. Suddenly, he was off of me and the last thing I saw was the door falling shut from the corner of my eye.

I was panting frantically. This didn't just happen. I didn't move a muscle. He was gone and there was something far more dark lurking in the shadows.

And that sure as hell wasn't a platonic kiss.

_[Caius POV]_

My footsteps reflected in the long hallways. I wore the frown on my forehead as I passed my wife. She murmured something that wasn't exactly sain. I knew this road, it was the road to the chamber were we held all our prisoners. I smirked as I imagined her squirming form, taking me in with so much fear. Fear that made her blood intoxicating.

I slipped into the room without a sound and looked across the room, searching. She was sitting with her back against the headboard, staring back at me.

"Good evening, Carmen," I purred, squinting my eyes.  
"What were those pregnancy tests for?" She retorted, her heartbeat a steady humm. Maybe, it was time to raise a little hell...  
I crossed the room in a few paces. She didn't even flinch - she started to get on my nerves. I growled and loomed over her. "That is none of your business."  
"Oh but Caius it is, for I was the one taking them."  
The growl turned into a hiss and I grabbed her throat, slamming her back against the headboard. She didn't even blink. "I expect obedience and respect from those beneath me, that also includes you." Wrath stirred in me, hunger mixed with passion arose when I inhaled her scent.  
Her jaw clenched. "I will never respect you," she hissed back. What the hell happened to her fear? I couldn't understand and that made me ever angrier. I flitted around and threw her across the room. She crashed into a wall and slumped to the floor.  
"Believe me, you will." My face was inches away from hers. Her expression was still that damned stubborn mask.  
We kept our eye contact. Carmen was glaring, her red curls alight. I was glaring back, less human than I ever was.

In less than a second I was out of the room, locking it on my way out. No one would be allowed near her but me. That girl needed some lessons in respect. She forgot her place.

_[Carmen POV]_

I was left near the wall. It now held a small dent of my frame colliding with it. I'd heard the lock being closed by him. I'd head him snarl. But I didn't fear him. There was this sudden force that awoke me in the middle of the night. My senses all said he was going to come soon. So, I waited. And that force had been right. Soon, I saw his blonde locks, his fury. I also felt his fury snapping my skin.

What would happen to me now?

I groaned as I tried to get up on my feet. I felt sick. As fast as I could I ran to the bathroom - there I emptied the content of my stomach in the toilet. Well, there wasn't exactly anything in there to be emptied.  
The sheets of my bed didn't calm me and I turned from side to side all night. Eventually, I gave up and watched the sun of the fourth day rise. Bringing less seconds than the day before. The escape was my only rescue. But I couldn't leave with Alec creeping into my room every other second. The bruises started to form with much agony.

To my surprise, the food wasn't brought by Alec, because it wasn't brought at all. My stomach complained in loud grumbles. I tried to soothe him by sleeping but the sun kept me awake. I kept on staring at the ceiling without a purpose. Around I-don't-know-what-time Jane payed me a visit. I was again summoned to the throne room. I was too weak to protest.

The throne room was as cold as ever.

Aro flitted from his throne and was soon before me. Yes, I now knew who everyone here was. Yay for me. He asked for my hand and I gave it to him. He listened to my thoughts and I let them wander freely. I saw Alec look at me from across the room. I felt my heart pound loudly. Aro frowned and followed my stare. "Highly interesting," he muttered, "tell me, dear, is everything to your liking?"  
I wanted to yell, scream, disagree but in the end there was just a curt bob of my head. Caius seemed satisfied with that answer. Aro not so much, though he kept up his appearances. "Very well then, off you go. You have a lot of thinking to do," he smiled and nodded towards Alec. He on his turn looked petrified. Can you imagine that? A vampire being scared of a human that was too weak to stand on her legs because of the lack of food? Damn, what a twisted world it was.  
Caius gave Alec a key and some kind of instruction, I guess. My eyes were too slow to follow his movements as he ran past me. To the door. He was holding it open for me. I turned back to Aro. I wasn't ready to leave until I'd gotten some answers.

"Aro," I called out his name - not knowing if I should call him 'Master' like everyone else seemed to do.  
He turned around. "Yes, dear?"  
"What is my purpose of being here?"  
"Your gift is quite exquisite," he smiled and folded his hands together while sitting down on his throne.  
"I don't have a gift," I stated stubbornly. The crease in the forehead of Caius became more evident.  
"Oh my dear, you do. The gift of persuasion. Haven't you noticed that yet?" He cocked a perfect eyebrow, not losing patience with my stupidity.  
"Persuasion," I muttered. Of course! I could stop Alec from telling the leaders of my decision the other day and stopped him from draining me yesterday. However, I wasn't able to stop Caius' attacks. I sneaked a look at him - he was staring me down. "And the pregnancy test?"  
"That is a conversation for a different time. Have good day, dear."

Alec dragged me out of the room. He kept his mouth shut until we reached my room. "I'm sorry for yesterday." He studied my face.  
"It was to be expected," I shrugged, not wanting to enter the room.  
"It was still an out of place thing to do for me."  
"I agreed to it."  
"You didn't agree to the bleeding." His eyes wandered off to my lip and I started biting it to cover the swelling.  
"It's okay, really. I forgive you." And I meant it.  
He didn't buy it. I walked into the room eventually and he locked it up. Leaving me be.

The rest of the day was tedious. The weakness took over my mind and body eventually. It hurt, every cell hurt. Every five minutes I would be running to the toilet to retch. This was my break point, they had me exactly where they wanted me. I would say yes to about anything by now. I didn't care for my future, my past of present. I ached all over.

At night, Caius payed a visit to his 'pet' AKA me. I let him take advantage of me and mark my wrist. I was numb and he knew it. He tried his hardest to get me angry or frightened but my eyes didn't expressed anything but sleep. He was zipping up his pants when I started heaving again. I was feverish.  
"Caius..." I whispered, "I don't feel well." I curled up into a ball.  
He was standing motionless, his hand on the doorknob. He was hesitating.  
"I know," a pause followed - talking was hard, "you don't care for me," another pause, "but please help."  
"We don't have medics here," was his reply and he was about to step out of the door when I spoke up again.  
"I won't make it without medical attention," I gasped and cringed away from the pain.

I was up in the air before I knew it. Caius'd picked me up and was running somewhere. I grabbed the collar of his shirt and pushed my forehead against his neck. It was foolish, perhaps but his skin cooled mine. I was burning up from the inside. He inhaled at my motion and we skidded to a halt soon. I'd closed my eyes so I had no idea where he'd taken me.

"Is there a problem, Brother?" Aro's voice drifted towards me. I didn't really register it.  
"The girl has fallen ill. I think she suffers from a mental breakdown," Caius scoffed.  
"Set her down on the throne."  
Caius agreed, with slight hesitation. I was placed on the middle throne, Aro's. Aro placed a hand on my forehead. "My, I don't know much about humans but that is not their normal temperature."  
I rested my head on my handpalm. I was going to die. Noone here knew anything about human sickness and they couldn't really call a doctor to come round.  
"We need to lower the fever."  
"How?"  
"Your skin will do just fine," I groaned.  
A soothing, cold vampire hand was placed on my forehead again. "Carmen, do you know anything about this ... disease that you have?"  
"It's probably just a fever, or a breakdown or maybe I'm just going to die," I muttered, slurring my words.  
There were barely audible whispers, shadows moving and I was picked up again by someone. I felt how that same someone laid me down on a bed and then started to undress me. I let it happen. A soft fabric was then put around my body. A nightgown from the closet, I guessed. When I opened my eyes to see who was helping me I saw the worried face of Alec. Could've guessed that. I mouthed a 'thank you' and half drifted off into oblivion. I saw how he pulled off his sweater, leaving him in just a t-shirt. He crawled next to me and pulled the comforter up around us. Next, he pressed his body against mine. The cold radiated off of him. It calmed me, big time. His scent was the other drug. I pushed back, trying to absorb the coolness as much as I could. Alec started humming, softly. He buried his face in the crook of my neck. Skin on skin contact was much more efficient.  
"Put your hands underneath the gown," I whispered, too tired to speak. Too weak to think.  
Alec complied and snaked his arms around my waist. I sighed, content with the coldness embracing me.  
I prayed I would make it through the night.


	5. Disease

Hi y'all! Another chapter (: This one was so much fun to write and I hope it will be just as fun to read!

* * *

**Chapter 4**

I awoke with the sensation of someone stroking my stomach. The world was spinning in front of my eyes. I closed them again.  
"How are you feeling?" A voice asked in a whisper.  
"Ran over by bus. Dead."  
A chuckle.  
"You're warm," I mumbled.  
"You warmed me up."  
I smiled to myself. Then my stomach turned and I hastily run towards the bathroom. I was wobbly and my legs didn't listen. I had to hold myself up on the walls. When I'd reached the toilet I was already retching and heaving. Nothing more than gastric acid came up. I flushed the toilet and sank down on the floor. My head against the shower cabin.

"Should I get someone, colder to hold you?" Alec grinned.  
I shook my head. "You _can_ bring me two slices of bread - toasted with a cup of very sugary tea. Or aren't you allowed?"  
"Master Caius forbid me but I will ask - he might make an exception."  
And gone he was. I crawled back into bed, burying my head underneath the warm comforter. It was like lying in a cloud. Alec came back with bad news. Caius was in a foul mood. He did however approve of Alec keeping me company. That was only because Aro said so, though. If it was up to him, he would've let me die here. On my own. He didn't say it out loud, but I just knew it.  
My face faltered with that news. It lit up again when he got out a small bag - with a croissant in it. I devoured it as fast as I could. Within seconds it was travelling to my stomach. "Thank you."  
"Don't mention it. I mean it," He laughed.  
I smiled meekly as he laid down next to me again, enveloping me in a cold embrace. Sleep took over and I could hear him humm all through my dreams.

The fever lasted.

It lasted 'til night and it laster 'til that morning. My strength was non-existent because of the lack of food. Alec brough me food once in a while but it wasn't enough to help me fight the disease. It wasn't normal fever. It was way to paralizing to be a normal fever. Alec was by my side at all times and when he'd heaten up from my body temperature, someone else would take his place. Usually it was one of the guards, Felix or Demetri. It wasn't comfortable in their embrace, for they didn't breathe or show other human knacks. It was like being hugged by a rock - a cold rock but a rock nonetheless.

One time, Aro came along to lie next to me. He was scanning my mind for something he could recognize but failed. He wasn't used to failing.  
"Leave us be," Caius voice snarled through the room.  
Felix darted out of the room to cool off and be ready when I needed him. I flickered my eyes towards Caius direction. "Here to take your turn hugging me?" My voice was hoarse and crackled when I tried to laugh.  
"No, I'm here to discuss business with you."  
"M-hm. Could you do that and keep me cool?"  
"I don't do charities."  
I sighed. There was no reasoning with him. He stepped closer. "Your time is almost up, you're almost dead because of the disease and the time we gave you to decide is also running out."  
I did not like this turning of events.  
"It is time to decide."  
"Now? I'm friggin' halucinating - not in the state to be making such desicions."  
"Do it!" He was a much bigger blur to these tired eyes. "Or I will make it for you."  
I struggled to keep my eyes open and make a glare. The illness was pulling at my feet, trying to drag me down. I was fighting, but I was so weak. "What would your decision be, if you were given the choise to decide for me?" I croaked.  
He frowned. "I would kill you."  
"Then it's up for you to decide," I sighed, feeling myself giving up.  
"Very well."  
I felt his hands snake up my neck, twisting my head so the veins were exposed. He sniffed up my scent. "Finally," he purred. I closed my eyes as response.  
"Just make it quick, will you?"  
"Of course."  
His teeth grazed my skin fervently, savoring the moment he'd been yearning for since that faithful day in the throneroom. "You're not entirally evil, though, Caius."  
He pulled back, grabbing my arm roughly. "No? And what the fuck do you suppose this is?" He shoved my arm in my vision field. Bruises.  
"You're hiding behind that façade." I needed all my strength to lean on one elbow, to look him in the eye. "I'm human, not stupid." I reached out to him, grabbing a strand of blonde hair and winding it back, behind his ear.  
"That equals each other." A roar was building in his chest. "Don't you dare touching me again!"  
I was slammed back against the head board again. "Don't. You. Dare!"  
"Or what? I'm going to die? What the fuck, I'm already dying!" My yell was hoarse but my glare made up for the lack of speaking.  
With a wild yelp Caius grabbed my head and turned it fiercefully. Sharp daggers entered my throat - I screamed. He pulled back and looked at me. My blood was dripping from his mouth - his eyes were ravenous black. "I will not tolerate that kind of speach," he spat, digging into my neck.  
I wrapped my arms around his neck, pulling him closer. The life force was leaving me with every gulp.  
"Goodbye, Caius."  
"Farewell, Carmen."  
The darkness, I welcomed with open arms. Before I passed out, I saw Alec's face.

Alec.

_[Caius POV]_

I gurgled as I let her body fall back on the bed. Her eyes were open and glazed over. I lifted my fingers and brushed them close. Her blood. It flowed from the wound in her neck. It was so sweet, so delicate - so amazing. It awoke a passion in me I never knew. I purred as I went to the bathroom to wash the blood from my face.

"Brother! What have you done?" Aro's shriek spread like wild fire and soon there was Alec. I saw his horriefied stare. Huh, interesting.  
"Her wish was my command. You wouldn't want that blood to be wasted now would you?" I answered coolly.  
Aro pinched the bridge of his nose while shaking his head slowly. Marcus walked into the room, the bored expression wiped from his face. "You knew this would happen," he commented.  
"I guess I did," Aro sighed, "such a shame - she could've produced a powerful half-breed and they both could be wonderful additions to our guard."

We watched the limp body of the girl going pale.

"Alec, clean up this mess, will you dear?" Aro said eventually, strolling out of the room with his hands clasped behind his back.  
I followed him, there were matters I wanted to discuss with him. Like the fact that he could _never_ take away my prey from me. I would get it eventually.  
Alec nodded and went over to the girl.

"Aro, we have matters to discuss," I stated firmly.  
Aro didn't respond. "Of course, Brother. Let's go to my study, shall we?"  
Now it was my turn to not respond. We glided through the hallways together and Aro shut the door behind us. "Tell me what is on your mind." He sat down on his chair, arms folded before him. His ruby eyes stared.  
I opened my mouth to talk but was interrupted. I snarled - this was not the time to be interrupted!  
"Masters, you may want to come see this." Alec's voice reached our ears.  
We were there within a second. Alec was standing before the bed, his eyes on the body. "What is the matter, dear one?" Aro asked, stretching his hand out to him. Alec placed his in Aro's and Aro frowned.  
"It is not polite to whisper in companies." I tapped my foot in impatience.  
"No, that can't be..." Aro whispered, flickering his eyes over to the girl. I cleared my throat to get his attention, but then I saw it. It was too subtle to be anything but it was there: a slight twitch of her hand. Aro saw it too. "You haven't drained her completely."

_Oh, for fuck's sake!_

We were next to her in a whiff. She was now twitching every part of her body. Her forehead was puckered with a deep frown. "Let's just finish what I started," I growled and already had my hands around her neck when Aro stopped me.  
"No. She may not conceive a half-breed but she can still be part of our guard."  
"Part of our guard! Seriously, Aro!" I snapped.  
"Calm yourself, Brother. Alec, black the girl out until her transformation until it's completed. We don't want to cause any more trauma's, now do we?" Aro beamed and clasped his hands together. "Oh, what a wonderful day this one turns out to be!" He flitted off.

_[Carmen POV]_

It was cold wherever I landed. It was also dark, pitchblack. I hated darkness - it was unpredictable. I couldn't feel, I could just think. Was this how I was going to be for all eternity? Alone with my thoughts? Alone? Wasn't there some kind of heaven? Angels? God? Maybe this was the waiting room, before I could enter heaven or hell. I was probably going to hell anyway. I had sinned so much in my life.  
I drifted around - or maybe I was standing, or sitting. Or lying, for all I knew. Which other body position were there? I did not know.  
It was the perfect surrounding for a zen-master. There was quietness, tranquility - nothing. I feared. Also, I discovered that I had no memories whatsoever. Not where I was before this or who I was before this. Maybe, I never lived at all. Maybe, I _am_ the nothingness floating around.  
Maybe, I've never lived.  
What is life anyway?  
If only I could slide into oblivion... If only...

Then a dagger shot through me. It was an unyeilding force, dragging me up instead of down. I was fighting it, but it engtangled me in the fucking eye of the hurricane. And I couldn't do anything about it. For I was not there - I was the nothingness and this was my personal hell. Flashes appeared, flashes of ... faces. Faces I didn't know - faces I feared. They all had ruby eyes, sparkling with anger. Fury. Disgust.  
And then there was nothing again. I floated around in it, touching the curves of the coldness. I hummed to the tune that wasn't there. Or maybe I didn't humm at all. Maybe, I just floated. Yes, I was definitely floating.

Calmness.  
Serenity.  
Peace.

Suddenly something grabbed me, smashing me into blackness, taking the breath out of me. I tried to regain my floating appearance, tried to drift back to serenity but I was treated as a rag doll. Hitting every surface there was to hit and I didn't breathe. There was no air left in this cramped space - the walls were moving closer, enveloping me, suffocating me slowly. I swum against the current that again got a hold of me. It was too strong - I was drowning in the void. In the black hole.

There was no saving me, no one to hear me swallow up my spine.  
Nothing.

A light pierces right though me, ripped me to pieces. I jerked up, suddenly aware I wasn't a shapeless nothing. I openend my eyes and focussed on everything at the same time. Memories hit me at full speed, letting me stumble and fall. I couldn't see, yet I saw everything with such clarity it made me dizzy.  
"What?" I found my mouth as I focussed in on the surroundings. They were white at first, but shapes appeared. It was a blur that got a contour. It was another face - no, four faces. They were staring at something - I understood later that they were staring at me.  
"Welcome, my dear one, to the rest of eternity!" A man with ebony black hair exclaimed, clapping his hands together without sound.  
"What?" Was that the only word I knew? Probably, for I couldn't think up anything else to say. Another wave of memories hit me then, this one was the memory of this life. I fell back and squirmed - feeling the pain settling in my mind. It hurt and I screamed. When my eyes jerked open again I knew everything.

Those damned bastards from hell. What did they do to me!

"What have you done!" I shrieked, trying to get up - only to find myself on the other side of the room, pressed against a dent in the wall. "What the fuck have you done to me!" I glared at those faces. Alec. Aro. Marcus. Caius.

Caius.

I stepped forward and was suddenly bashing Cauis into the window sill. "What the fuck have you done! I was supposed do be dead! Why am I seeing your goddamned face again!" I spat, not grasping the fact that this was entirally not me speaking.  
"It was not my choice," He snarled back.  
I felt a roar ripping up from the depths of my being. It bubbled to the surface until erupting. The next second I looked up, I'd thrown Caius across out of the room. The door was smashed to pieces. He looked up, dazed at first but then furious. He was storming back. What at first was a blur to my eyes was now a definite shape.  
"Alec," Aro said calmly and before Caius' hands could get a grip on me I fell to the floor - nothingless swallowing me up.

I was floating again, back to the calmness instead of the agony. I liked this surrounding better. Way better. Whatever they'd done to me - I wanted to stay here. It would be better for me _and_ Caius. I swear, if I get my hands on that mongrel I'll kill him. I'll rip him to shreds. He promised me death and there I was - back in that room. Back to being a prisoner.

Wow, wait - back up, Carmen. You threw Caius through the door. _You. Threw. Caius. Through. A. DOOR!_ And he wasn't a blur when he moved - his movements were crystal clear. But ... that can't be. Alec told me that there would be pain ... excruciating pain. No, so it definitely couldn't be _it_. On the other hand, there was no other explanation.

I had to know.

I pushed against the barrier of black, putting all the strength of my mind to it. I ground my theeth together as a result of force. Every muscle helped with moving that wall. It had to go - I had to see that light. I had to travel upwards. It gave in and I swum towards the light, gasping.

My eyes flickered open and I saw the ceiling above me. There were new forms in it - forms I haven't seen. Weird, 'cause most of my time I was busy with staring at it...  
"Master, I couldn't hold it up anymore..." I heard Alec whisper.  
I sat upright, staring intently at their faces. Caius had been removed from the room. The splinters were scattered along the hallway and the ragged door was evidence that it had indeed happened. "I want to know what the hell happened," I tried to articulate as calm as I possibly could. The light outside was making me angry, furious, full with wrath. "And I want to know it _now_."  
"Good morning, dear one. How was your beauty sleep?" Aro chirped, turning his attention to me now.  
"Fine. Now answer my question."  
He cocked an eyebrow. "I'm not pleased with that demanding tone you have."  
"Please," I writhed out between my clenched teeth.  
"That's better. Dear, I'm afraid we could not grand your wish of death. Caius hadn't removed all your blood so there was an amount left. It mixed with the venom and caused the transformation to begin. We were too late to being able to remove it..." Aro questionly studied my face.  
"No," I hiccuped, "no that can't be. It was dark and Alec," I pointed towards the vampire nearest to me, "Alec told be there would be pain and there wasn't any pain because I didn't feel it!" I rambled on, my eyes bulging. "No. No way."  
"Maybe you should see for yourself." Aro was sticking his hand out for me to grab.  
I agreed and flew to the bathroom. There I stood myself in front of the mirror. What I saw was the most horrifying ever. It would haunt me for the rest of my life. No, for the rest of my existence.  
My red curls were ringlets and weren't frizzy anymore. They laid in a beautiful disarray around my face. My face that was incredibly, unbelievably fair and pale. I touched it and it felt smooth - like silk. My hair also felt like silk. My lips were a rosy red in comparison to my skin tone. My face had also hollowed out a bit and my cheekbones were accenturated by that loss.  
I shifted my shirt up to look at my stomach. The fat that used to be there was gone and so were my lovehandles. It was flat and absolutely every girl's dream. I let the fabric fall and gazed up at the mirror, preparing to look at the scariest part. My eyes. My eyes were a dark burgundy color. It sparked, smouldered, liquifide. There was nothing left of my once green eyes. The green was consumed by red. Bloody red with a hint of brown and purple. It was awful - it made me shiver. I had now all the features I detested in those creatures.

I was now part of their world and it was not The Little Mermaid's version...


	6. Coping

Hi ^^. Make sure to check out the banner I made for this story (:

* * *

**Chapter 5**

After seeing myself in the mirror - I exploded. The Volturi had a hard time with calming me down. I was throwing lamps against the wall, molesting the wood of my bed, crushing the nightstand and ruining the door further. Aro had to call Felix and Demetri to hold me down. I had actually moved on to the vamps around me after killing off the entire room' furniture. I had also attacked the guards. They'd collided with several walls and ruined my bed in the process.

Now they had me pinned down to the floor. They were panting while holding me. I was screaming profanities. I never knew I had such a sailor mouth and vocabulary to voice it. "Let me go! You vile leaches! You damned retards, burn in hell! Now let me go!"  
"Hush dear one, it is going to be okay." Aro had started pacing around the room. "She sure got a temper."  
"I'll show you temper! Let me go!" I kicked and screamed, trying to remove their iron grip on me.  
"Alec, are you sure your power doesn't work on her anymore?" Aro sighed, taking in my flipping appearance.  
"For a second yeah, but her persuasion just lifts it up again." He had his eyes squeezed shut. I probably gave all the vampires in this room a fucking headache. Even if they weren't able to get one.  
"Why hasn't she persuaded Felix and Demetri to let her go?" Marcus asked, a frown on his face.  
"Maybe, she's not focusing enough?" Alec suggested and the rest agreed.  
I stopped thrashing around.  
"You gave her an idea," Marcus groaned.  
I smiled evilly and closed my eyes - focusing. This came naturally, I was good at talking people into things. I begged them to let me go and soon I felt their grips releasing me - I hopped up as soon as it was loose enough. Then the rampage continued as I started hauling pieces of my bed to everyone's heads. "I hate you, I hate you, I hate you, I hate you!" I kept repeating it as some kind of mantra.  
"I will be off to my room now." Marcus stalked off through the hole in the door.  
"Carmen, can you please stop demolishing our properties and listen?" Aro tried again, catching the lamp that was supposed to hit his head.  
I threw flames at him with my eyes. "No, dammit!"  
"Why are you so mad anyway?" Alec asked.  
I whirled around and was in front of him before he could blink. Not that he blinked but whatever. "Why I'm mad? I'll tell you why I'm mad! I'm mad because you turned me into a frickin' vampire, that's why I'm mad! I'm a monster, my fucking eyes are fucking red!" I yelled right in his face.  
"Calm down, Car." He grabbed my wrist - which really set me off into a frenzy of anger.  
"Car! You dare to give me a nickname! I can't fucking calm down! I have to feed off of humans now! I don't know if you've noticed but I have something called compassion and sympathy!" I started freaking out again, demanding my wrist back with a swift arm movement.  
Next thing I knew, I was pushed back into the wall by Alec. His eyes were blazing. "Calm, the fuck, down Carmen!" He snapped. "You've dealt with worse - deal with this now." Alec was glaring.  
Aro was clicking his tongue, taking in the damage done by me. "Caius?" He calmly said and the fair haired vampire appeared in the door opening just as I demanded Alec to let me go with my mind. He was so easily controllable. I hauled another piece of broken furniture at his head and continued my tantrum.  
"Yes, Brother?" Caius replied just as calmly, eyeing my state of ... craziness.  
I turned my attention to him and started attacking. He avoided every subject that was thrown at him with ease. Even Jane hurried to the sound of my shrieking that has now been lasting for an hour and I wasn't nearly done.  
"Could you try and calm her down? She can control everyone in this room," Aro's eyes followed me as I sought for something big enough to throw and then pointed to his ripped sleeve.  
"It would be my pleasure," he growled and had me colliding with the wall. My head hit the concrete hard and I hissed. Caius had my arms behind my back and was crushing me with his weight. "Stop ruining your room, we are not fixing it for you." His mouth was near my ear. I now noticed that his skin wasn't cold anymore - he was the same temperature I was.  
"Fine then don't! I'll escape this cave soon, anyway!" I barked.  
"Oh, no you won't. You'll be locked up here forever," he grinned. That sound had me thrashing against his grip in no-time. But even when I channeled my willpower into him letting me go - he didn't budge.  
"What do you want!" I yelled, trying to kick him or at least stamp on his foot.  
"For you to calm down!"  
I slithered away from his grip and knocked him to the floor with my fist. "I _am_ calm!"  
Caius got up to his feet, having a hard time controlling the rage I had released in him. "Brother, could you leave us alone?" He then asked Aro.  
"Of course, but try to keep her in one piece, now will you?" And he was gone. Leaving me alone with Caius.

I did not fear him.  
I loathed him and everything he'd done to me.

I attacked with a howl and landed on top of him, slamming his shoulders back into the floor. "I hate you."  
"Likewise," he grunted, trying to remove my hands. No chance that we would succeed, though. I was straddling him and with my newborn strength he would soon be dead. I couldn't wait to twist his head off his body and mangle him to the point of no return...  
As I was enjoying the daydream about my hands around his neck he got a hold of my arms and flipped us over. He was now hovering over me. "You listen to me and you listen to me very carefully because I don't repeat myself. This behavior is not to be tolerated. Aro might but I certainly will not. So ether you obey or I swear I will end your forever before it had a chance to begin." Caius had whispered these threats like a snake, his eyes black and hypnotizing.  
I stubbornly jutted out my lower lip and looked the other way, crossing my arms in front of me. "Get off of me."  
He let go of my shoulders and leaned back, rubbing his eyes.  
"Get off of me," I repeated, without any emotion left in my voice. I wanted him gone; I needed time to think.  
He flitted out of the room, without looking back or reconsidering his options. I trudged into the bathroom, locking it. It was a mess. The mirror was cracked (again), the toilet bowl ripped from the wall and smashed through the window, the shower cabin's glass shattered and the shards were now lying scattered across the floor, tiles were cracked and some were lying in the bedroom - some had also gone after the toilet bowl and onto the street, to summarize it - it looked like a battlefield. The only thing unharmed was the tub. I opened the hot water as far as it would go and stepped out of my clothes. The hot water didn't bother me, so I slipped down and waited for the water to swallow me up. When I noticed the water couldn't go any higher without splashing onto the floor I turned it off and submerged myself under the surface. There I opened my eyes and looked around. My ringlets were floating on the current and everything seemed off. I found out I could hold my breath forever. So drowning myself wouldn't really be an option. Though it did feel nice to just, sit there. It relaxed me, because it took away all the thoughts I had. I wished they had a pool, so I could sink to the bottom and stay there for all eternity. Too bad they didn't have one.

I'd been sitting in the tub for the entire night. I could see dawn breaking through the smashed window in my bedroom. The sun was stretching his claws out to me. I let it grab my skin and let it sparkle. I had to admit it was beautiful. The rainbows threw off their color through the water that'd turned cold. Almost as cold as my body temperature.

By now I'd been sitting in the same tub for exactly three days, two hours, six minutes and one, two, three, four, five seconds. I'd counted them, every one of them. The door was locked, it wouldn't have caused a problem for a vamp but no one bothered to open it. I was thankful. I still haven't come up to breathe and the water was icy. Why wouldn't I drown already? Was there really no limit to the holding breath thing?

The tenth day went by and night had spread all over town. I could feel my throat ache. It started around day four, the seventh hour, seventh minute and - I don't know, tenth second? It had been unbearable, especially around feeding time for the vamps. The spilling of blood was unbearable and the instinct that'd roared to life with Caius' bite almost made me jump out of the tub and run downstairs naked. Yeah, you see where this wasn't such a good idea.

By the time the eleventh day had come I head a knock of the door. Words sounded so deformed beneath the surface of the liquid.  
"My dear one, how about you come out of that tub?" Aro's voice. As far as I knew, he didn't visit simple people - er, vampires like me. Why bother? So, I didn't answer. The door creaked and I saw it coming loose from it's hinges. Aro threw it aside and stepped inside. I laid back down, on the bottom of the tub. My curls swum over my breast to hide them. I also drew my legs up to hide the other part of me.  
"Please?"  
I shook my head, watching the mangled form floating above me.  
"You know you can't die this way."  
A nod from me. Aro stuck out his hand for me to grasp, I stared at it first before blinking and looking back at his face. Then I shook my head again. The thoughts that had passed through my mind were too embarrassing to be revealed.  
"I want to help you, to teach you what it's like being a vampire. It's not all that bad," he crooned and sat down on the edge of the tub, "I know you detest the idea of drinking humanblood. There is an alternative, however."  
That sparked my attention and I sat up. "Alternative?" My voice wasn't the same either. I hadn't noticed while throwing a fit (and that fit wasn't the only thing I was throwing). The tone was lighter, pleasant to the ear.  
"Yes, my dear, an alternative. Good friends of mine feed off animals instead!"  
I frowned, while fumbling with my fingers. "Animals have feelings too." I felt his fingers getting a hold of my chin and he turned me to face him.  
"But Carmen, look at your eyes - they are as black as the night. You need to feed," he stated while studying the color of my eyes. I noticed his face wasn't all that flawless.  
"I will not become a killer."  
"See it as ... a part of the food chain. You did eat meat when you were human, correct?"  
"No." And I submerged myself into the water again.  
Aro sighed and made his way to the door. Yeah, there was no door. I did see they had fixed the room - it looked just like it did before I wrecked it. "We will welcome you when you decide to join us, whatever the length of this process may be." He smiled before disappearing. I closed my eyes and pretended to sleep. Sleep didn't come and I eventually persuaded Alec to use his power on me. For ten days. That was the max I could ask of him. He agreed and I slept. I slept the sleep I dreamt of sleeping.  
After those ten days, I didn't feel any better then before. Slowly, I rose from my hiding place. It was weird to stand up again after such a long time of sitting. The most weird part was that it felt like I'd been sitting for a second rather than ten days. I dried myself of and walked over to the closet. The air rounded me, surrounding me with it's touch. I got lingerie from the closet and noticed my old clothes were gone. They were replaced with dresses. Loads of dresses. I chose the least provoking one - which was harder than it sounds. The dress was white and made of silk, a decolleté that dipped low, a white taille belt with a white sequin buckle and had wild patterns at the bottom - with mostly greens and pinks. Wow. The fabric was soft when dropped on my skin. I loved how it seemed to stroke me with every move. Since the dress was too long to walk in, without tripping and making a new friend with the floor - I opted for heels. I used to be good at it, I think. My memories were as if gone, now only scents and feelings remained.

I opened the door softly; no one seemed to be in the hall way. The heels clicked on the hard floor. I closed the door behind me and followed the path I'd walked before. It was time to let Aro in and learn about myself.

It was time to cope.

The three doors appeared before me. This time however, Caius didn't. I doubted. How should I know which door to chose. Besides, it was only a guess these rooms belonged to the "masters". I focused my eyes on the floor, picturing Aro in my mind. I channeled in on his energy, on his appearance and then tried to pursue that energy to appear before me. Nothing happened. I was already turning around when the door in the middle opened.  
Aro's eyebrows shot upward when he saw me standing there. I would be surprised too. "Come in, dear one." He stepped aside to let me enter. It was the study where we entered. It had golden and crimson finishes everywhere and details were planted around the area. The room was very tastefully decorated. Aro walked ahead of me and sat down on one of the armchairs. He gestured to the other chair with his palm. I flitted to it and sat down, feeling uncomfortable.  
"Tell me what is going on in your mind." I placed my hand in his and he read me like a map, all the while staring at me. "Ah, how delightful. Where should we start?"

I did not know. I did not know how much I wanted to learn about these horrible creatures of the night. However, Aro intended that I heard it all. I would've thrown up if I was a human, but I wasn't so I sat there quietly - listening to my fate approaching me with a menacing grin.


	7. Denied

Hi (:  
Wow, I really took my time updating this, didn't I? I'm sorry, inspiration does not come easy and I didn't want to give you a crappy chapter. Though, this one _is_ short... Enjoy!  
Oh, just one more thing - I haven't really checked this chapter before putting it up so their might be mistakes in it - don't hesitate to tell me if you find them ^^.

* * *

**Chapter 6**

Night was taking care of the world around me. I was staring at the sky, sitting cross legged on my bed. Aro had only frightened me with his stories about vampires - so I was now basically afraid of myself. He had also told me his plans for me. You know, 'cause I was part of his crazy-ass guard. I would be stuck with Caius, going on patrols and eliminating danger. It was safe to say that wouldn't happen. I had persuaded him to let me calm down and cope for a couple of days. In that time I needed to escape. It had to happen now or else - well, there wouldn't be any other chance to do so.  
The only problem was Jane. She was standing behind the door, guarding my room. Her assignment was to warn Caius when I was throwing another tantrum. He was the only one I couldn't manipulate into doing anything I wanted. If I tried to get away now, she would yell his name and those eyes will start haunting me again. I was blessed that he wasn't interested in me anymore and I wanted to keep it that way.

The next day Jane took me to the throne room. She didn't tell me what was going on - but it was bad. Or so, I guessed. Everyone was already inside so it was probably some kind of big event. I had on a simple burgundy dress and no shoes. Aro summoned me to his throne and told me to sit on the steps. I cocked an eyebrow at him, but did as I was told. A waft of air drifted into the room and everything around me went red. My throat ached, burned with the sensation of blood nearing. I sought Aro's eyes, but they were far away - looking beyond the walls of the throne room. He was tempting me, desperately wanting for me to become like them. I held my breath but it was of no use for I'd already tasted the scent on my tongue.  
From that moment on, everything went black. I heard the heartbeats, I could feel the heat radiating from their bodies, I could sense my desire to have that blood. This was that moment the vampires in the room were waiting for - me snapping. Even before Aro gave the obvious command to attack I was lunging at someone's throat. My teeth sank in the person's throat and there it was. The warm honey. When there was nothing to gain from the person's bloodstream I let the corpse fall to the floor. Only then did I notice the frantic screams. And Aro's clapping. All the vampires were still in place. I was the only one who'd attacked.  
"Bravo, dear one! Bravo!" Aro was enthousiastic. More than he normally was.  
I was holding my breath again, pressing myself against the wall. The people left in the room were at the far end. They were gasping, looking at me in schock. _They feared me_. I wanted to tell them I was still one of them - that I was going to save them from this hell. But I couldn't. I couldn't promise them anything - I had the blood of another humand being on my hands and in my system. The transformation was complete, Aro finally got what he wanted. I spun around and fled the throne room. After a sharp turn to the left I kept running at top speed. I had to get out. There had to be a way out. I ran upstairs to my room and instead of slamming the door shut, I broke it - again. No time to think about it, though. Had to escape. Now. Now. Now.

Now or never.

I was through the window in no time. The deafaning sound must've alarmed someone downstairs, so I had to be quick. I grabbed the balcony railing and flung myself over it. Eventhough the ground seemed far, the fall didn't hurt. I landed on my bare feet and started sprinting. It was daytime and the humans were outside. If I were to stop now - I would be discovered. So I ran. I tried to avoid bumping into anyone and only once knocked down a small child - but they fall all the time on their own anyway. There was a forest here somewhere, maybe. Something in my mind told me I knew there was a forest here somewhere. Maybe. I was running for an hour when I reached the trees up ahead. The shade hid my skin and I finally dared to look behind me. No one was there. Even in the distance there was no one. They weren't following. Maybe they took a shortcut and were already here. I jerked my head in all directions but again didn't find anyone. I was alone.

I was free.

A giggle escaped from behind my lips and I started laughing. All the tension came out through that maniacal laugh. I slid down to the forest floor and rested my head against the bark of the tree. So, where to go now? My memory did not know where I was and how I got in that horrible castle. It was a warm country, but that didn't cross away enough options to know which one it actually was. I jumped up - I needed to get going. Find a small, quiet village. Somewhere far, far away and stay hidden. I broke into running and disappeared in the thick mane of the forest.

It was night again when I arrived at a very small town. I didn't catch the name of it but it didn't matter. I was exhausted, not physically but mentally. Was there even a place I could rest? I had no money on me and no hotel would accept someone with crimson eyes. I needed contacts.

There was a park near by and no one was around. I decided to take a seat on an empty bench. This quiet village was so full of life. Even when sleeping. I poked around in the dark with my eyes and saw young children sleeping behind curtains, parents curled up against each other on the couch. The small stores were closed, preparing themselves to open in the morning. To welcome people. Footsteps were hearable behind me as I was mulling over ... nonsense. I tensed up, even transformed to a predator my first reflex was to run. However, if this was a human it would be foolish to run. That was just giving the Volturi another reason to kill me.

"It is a great evening for a stroll in the park, isn't it?"

It was his voice. It was him. Ice clotted in my bones, fire raged through my veins making it complicated to move. I knew I needed to run and fast. So I sprung to my feet and threw myself across the field. Humans, be damned it was _my_ life that was on the line now. My feet were barely touching the ground while running. The next moment I knew I was flying and crashing into the grass carpet. I ground my feet in the soil and twisted my body into a crouch. My eyes went searching for him. His appearance, his form. With just one blow I was forced to the floor and I was breathing in the wet dirt. Fear clutched me in his tight grip and I knew this was the end of my second life. This was it. The Volturi doesn't offer second chances and definitely not to stubborn brats like me. His breath was near, his scent was sticking to me. "You can't escape your fate, _dear one_." He practically spat out the last two words.  
"I can't escape it, but I can fight it." I flipped around, hurling Caius off of me and sending him flying into a tree. It broke in half with a thunderous crack and Caius jumped to his feet without hesitation.  
"You can't fight me."  
"You are not my fate and don't you tell me what to do." I was crouching without realising I was planning on charging. He brought out the worst in me and that side could really get under his skin.  
I could hear Caius snarling from across the field. He sprinted forward but just when he was about to lunge for my throat I glided underneath him, legs first like some kind of trained baseballer sliding to the last base. I didn't even know I was capable of such things! Once again we were facing each other, only the distance was much more smaller. His jaw was set and his features were set in an awful grimace. If he would get a hold of me now - I was dead. Ciaus was gnawing, plotting his next move. I pushed every will that I had into the thought of persuasion. Into the thought of him leaving me the hell alone. I clenched my hands into fists to put extra strength in the persuasion. _Go away. Go away. Go away._ I chanted the sentence over and over again. Then Caius straightened his back and huffed. "You'll have to come with something more powerfull than that, kitten."  
I followed his example and also stood up like a sane person. "Why is it that I can't boss you around?"  
"Because my powers surpass yours. Now, you'll either come along or I will have to force you to."  
"I don't want to be part of your guard, nor do I want to be your pet."  
"I couldn't care less what you want," Ciaus emphasized every word, "you will obey." Then his tone suddenly changed to a confident and smooth one. "I will get you off that high-horse of yours."  
"Why don't you get your head out of your ass first and then we'll talk. I'm not that fearful, little girl that you can rape whenever you feel like."  
"Rape? I don't remember you protesting," he closed the distance between us and I let him for he didn't pose a threat, "in fact, I rember you enjoying it whenever I touched you." His face was close and I was strained to the max. I let him get this close because I was ready if he would charge. Caius lifted his arm and traced my jawline with his finger. Then he moved on to my lips. I stopped breathing. He was now crossing the barrier between safe distance and too close for comfort. The tables were turned and he was the one persuasing me. I couldn't move and lope. Why was it that my own power turned on me when I most needed it? His eyes were glued to the contours of my lips, he was as if entranced by them but then they shot right back up to my own. "Let's go." For the first time, I heard his voice when he wasn't yelling at me or threatening me. This voice wasn't his, this voice was of a person that cared. Caius wasn't capable of caring. For a long time we just stood there, staring at one another.  
"No." While saying that out lips brushed very lightly. It was a harsh and lonely word, much like Caius' soul.  
Distracted by proximity, I didn't see Caius' hand flying up and wrapping itself around my hair. He yanked it and brought me down to my knees, screaming. How is it that no one has heard us by now? "You really should have listened when I offered," He hissed and started running, dragging me along. I was howling and trying to fight his grip but it was futile. He never let go. He just dragged me along, while my back collided with everything that was on the forest floor. Tree branches poked in my skin, sharp rocks scraped along the length of my spine, twigs jabbed in my face. Soon enough I felt the smooth floor of the castle moving underneath me. Caius dropped me in the middle of the throne room. I was sure I looked like hell now. I hoisted myself up to face the all-mighty Volturi, while holding the snapped dress strap with one hand.  
"I am not happy, Carmen," Aro spoke.  
"I found her in a village nearby Rome, she was headed north," Caius growled low.  
I never imagined my life ending this way. Alec was gazing at me, his face twisted at the sight of me. Like he was revolted by what he saw.  
"I am at the end of my Latin, dear one. Tell me what I should do with you?" Aro acted like he didn't hear Caius speak.  
All focus was on me and I stood there like the fearful, little girl I claimed not to be. Alec then spoke up: "Master, Carmen hasn't had the proper training before joining our guard."  
This was the snapping point of Jane. She had been listening with her teeth clenched but now she was cooking. "This, disgrace, does not deserve so much chances. She will not make a good addition to our guard, for she has no will to cooperate. I suggest finishing what should have been done the second she entered this room for the first time." She gave me a small smirk.  
For a second, I thought Aro would agree. However, he shook his head. "Alec, you will be in charge of the training process. But that will be your last chance. You really damaged my trust in you. Now off your go. Escort her to her room, Alec and Caius?" Caius' head snapped up. "You keep guard."  
"What! You expect me to actually _guard_ her!" He strode over to Aro's throne.  
"Her power does not affect you, so you would be the perfect candidate for that, Brother."  
Caius opened his mouth to protest but Aro held up his hand and told him that he didn't want to hear another word about it. So Caius sulked behind us but strode off to his room after a while. That left me and Alec alone. He was silent. He was just about to walk out of the room again when I stopped him.  
"Why is it that you're ignoring me?"  
"I'm not." He was still facing the door.  
"Oh, sure, then how would you call this?" I flitted up to him and whirled him around so I could see his eyes when he was lying to me.  
He examined my face before answering. "This is called Aro controlling my every move."  
Okay, so maybe that wasn't a lie. "He doesn't want you near me?"  
"He has learned his lesson after Dyidme."  
I did not know who Dyidme was and how she had something to do with this entire situation but that was a topic for another conversation.

When he did leave, Caius appeared. I was sitting against the headbord of the bed and he was on the other side of the room, standing against the wall. Awkward didn't even cover it. His eyes were boring into mine and it was like a staring contest between statues.  
"How long are your planing on staying here?" I hissed, crossing my arms in front of my chest.  
"As long as my brother thinks it necessary."  
Are you prepared to spend an eternity with a little brat?" I snickered. It was fun to taunt him.  
Caius grimaced. "Don't worry, that won't happen." He spoke every word calmly, but that was just surface.  
Some time, when it was almost dawn I got tired of his glooming demeanor and laid back. Wishing to be able to sleep. I closed my eyes, monitoring his movements through hearing. Not that there was much movements - he was still in his statue form.


	8. Hope

****This is the final chapter of this story, I finally found out how to end it and had enough drive to actually finish it. I thank everyone who has commented and adding this story to their story alerts and maybe I'll see you at one of my other stories!

xox

* * *

**Chapter 7**

The next day, Caius walked me to my first day of practice. He was so eager to get rid of me. Well, the feeling was mutual. Alec was already waiting for me. The practice was outside, in the courtyard so Caius was there - looming in the shadow of the castle.  
"So, bring it on."  
Alec grinned. "First, there's the fighting. As a guard you are supposed to protect the masters against every threat there is out there."  
I nodded, feeling stupid for putting on a dress. Not that there was anything else in my closet but still.  
Alec started circling slowly and I mimicked every move. Fighting was fun. "There are a few rules to achieve success," his voice was low and he never looked away.  
"Please _do_ enlighten me," I mocked, ready to pounce. My muscles strained. If only he would stop talking already.  
He scowled before continuing. "First, never lose focus and never lose track of your enemy."  
"Those are two rules." I stepped closer and gauged his reaction.  
A small smile tugged at the corners of his lips. "Let's see what you got then." And he put strength in his glare, surely I figured out what he was about to do before he did it. He was about to make me black-out for a quick win. I clenched my teeth and channeled into his mind. When he again scowled I smirked and attacked. He jumped up swiftly and disappeared in a huge tree. I could only hear the rusting of leaves. Persuading him out of that tree would've been too easy. So, I followed him there. There was only that much space to move and see. I brushed past a branch, snapping it in the process, and climbed higher up the tree trunk. Alec was nowhere to be seen. I scanned the leaves for movement but it was perfectly still. The sensation of adrenaline pumping through my body was exquisite. Then I saw it - his black tee-shit betrayed him. I scooted closer, sitting up in a crouch and waiting for him to betray himself for the second time. I growled low and he whipped his head around. Too late, I'd already jumped him and we were tumbling to the ground. The crash sounded like thunder. I was sure I had him pinned down but when I looked up he was standing across the yard. I grimaced, squinting.

"You're not using your gift," he stated.  
"No, it wouldn't be fun if I did."

Caius gave a small snort from his hiding place. Alec' eyes darkened as he gathered his strength to use his gift and I used mine to stop it. Then I started walking to where he stood, swaying my hips. He seemed totally baffled. Good. I didn't have a clue what I was doing but I needed to get closer to attack him. The sun crept from behind the cloud and send the light flying. When it hit my skin it ignited in a thousand sparks. It provided the distraction I was waiting for. I lunged at Alec and before he knew it I had him pinned down. It knocked the breath right out of him.

"I won," I said smugly and got up, pulling him up with me.  
"Congratulations."  
Then I whipped around, boring my eyes into Caius'. "I want a rematch."  
He cocked an eyebrow and just stood there like a fucking moron.  
"Oh, come on - you're not afraid, are you?" That set him off. He yanked off his cape, which left him in his white button-up and black pants. He then strode over to me, his crimson eyes blazing with anger.  
"I know no fear," he simply said.  
"Sure, sure," I mocked him, placing my hands on my hips. The sun had also reached Caius' skin, which was now like one big star. We lunged at each other's throats at exactly the same time and went rolling over the dusty ground. I jumped him and threw him into the bark of the tree. It cracked. I could only hope there were no humans around to hear this. I backed up slowly, when he approached. It all came down to figuring out what he wanted to do before he did it - a dance with the devil. One second lost out of sight and he would raise havoc. And there was my first time of losing focus and I was flying. I crashed into the brick wall, destroying it on impact. I landed outside the Volturi's property. Outside. Alec's eyes widened as he realized I was going to bolt. But I wasn't about to run away. First, that bitch was going down. Caius leaped through the hole in the wall as I tried to get up I was slammed back into the ground. It created a dent in my shape. He was growling low in his chest. I put my legs up, supporting them on his hipbones and then launched him off of me. Right into the lake. He came out of there, soaking wet. The white shirt was clinging to his chest and his hair looked like a mop. "You ruined my favorite shirt," he roared.  
"Well, you ruined my virginity."  
The fight took a long three hours. There was a lot of circling, lunging and throwing. We managed to break down most of the wall and tree. It was now splayed in the middle of the courtyard since I tried to squash Caius with it. We were now standing across each other, not a sign of exhaustion.  
"Master, Aro wants to see you," Jane's voice interrupted the most fun I had in my entire life. Oh, wait, I guess I should call it _existence_ now. Caius's eyes left me and he nodded towards Jane. "Tell him I'll be right there." Then he turned back to me. Without saying anything he flitted towards the castle and grabbed his cape as he went inside. I finally straightened myself out and looked over to where Alec stood.

"How 'bout that for a first practice?"  
"Excellent. Master Aro will be proud."  
I shoved Alec slightly. "Oh, come on. Lighten up! Hey, do you think that '_Master_' Aro will let us go for a hike?"  
"You mean .. outside the castle walls?" He furrowed his brows at my question. I don't particularly like people, or vampires furrowing their brows at my questions.  
"Oh, I think he'll say yes. I'll go talk to him." I flitted inside.

I found Aro in his study. Before I could bluntly walk in, I heard he was talking to Caius. Their voices were so soft that I couldn't hear it. Even with my superior ears. What use are they if I can't eavesdrop? I lounged around outside, when I heard the murmuring stop.  
"Carmen, you can come in." Aro's voice even sounded friendly. How weird. I shuffled inside. Caius was standing in front of the windowsill, ridged. "How did the practice go?"  
"It was fine. I kicked Caius' ass," I beamed. What the fuck.  
Aro guffawed. "Was that all what you came to say? I'm sorry, dear one, but Caius and I were discussing very important business."  
I smiled. "I apologize for interrupting, but I was wondering if Alec and I could go for a stroll outside the castle walls." _Pleeease, say yes._  
Aro stayed quiet for a while and then spoke up. "You're not manipulating me." He was utterly shocked.  
I shook my head, equally surprised.  
"You may go," as I was about to run back his voice brought me to a halt, "with Caius."  
A low groan rumbled through Caius, as he was tired to be commanded by his brother. "This babysitting-act is getting old, Brother."  
Not seeing any other option, and I really wanted to stroll beyond the castle walls, I gave Caius a smirk and whirled around. "Well, come on then." I was out of the room when Caius started moving. He followed me outside and I stepped over the wrecked wall. The grass outside felt different, softer, somehow. I hummed, while soaking up the sunlight. It was warm and inviting - lifting my mood instantly. We walked in silence, me leading, him following, until we reached the forest. The sunlight was sifting through the electric green leaves, dancing on the damp forest floor. "Why do you hate me?" I asked suddenly, not slowing down. A squirrel ran past us, hopping into the nearest tree.  
"Because you're a pathetic excuse for a vampire."  
That did make me stop. I turned around to face him and he halted too, keeping his distance. "No, I'm not. I think I proved myself very capable during the first training session. I'm not human anymore. Now tell me, why do you hate me?"  
"I don't need to explain myself to you. Shut up and walk." He brushed past her and with his hands clasped behind his back he upped his pace.  
Stubbornly, I flitted to walk next to him. "You owe me an explanation. After all that you've done to me. You tried to kill me, then you raped me, then you got your chance to kill me and instead turned me into this horrid creature."  
He kept his mouth shut, tensing the muscles of his jaw.  
"Okay, if you don't want to talk, I will. You left me alive on purpose didn't you? You knew bloody well I wouldn't die."  
Caius still kept his eyes on the horizon.  
"Why didn't you want me to die, hm?" I sped up and blocked his path, so he'd have to face me.  
His eyes flickered from the horizon and met mine. I could almost see the gears turning in his head.  
"You have a weird way of showing your affection." I delved into the depths of his crimson eyes, trying to pry out an answer.  
Instead of granting her with an answer he turned around and barked Alec's name. The boy appeared before them in exactly five seconds. They exchanged looks and Alec nodded. Then Caius was gone within a blink of an eye. "What's that all about?" I asked, my eyes still on the point where Caius had disappeared.  
"That was Caius hating hiking," Alec smiled.  
"That's not the only thing he hates..." I muttered under my breath and with a snort of Alec we continued to walk.

We walked in a slow, almost agonizingly slow, pace to the edge of the forest. The wind blew through my dress, swaying the fabric softly. It truly was beautiful out here. I peeked over at Alec, and he too was taking in the environment. "There are so many things you still have to experience, Carmen," he sighed, turning to look at me.  
"Well, I have all of eternity."  
He grimaced. "And what kind of eternity. Being stuck inside those castle walls, only being allowed outside to kill. That's not the appropriate life for someone like you." Alec averted his gaze.  
"Someone like me?" I cocked an eyebrow.  
"Yes, someone like you. Someone who actually gives a damn, someone who has made me _feel_ for the first time in my existence." He shut his mouth promptly, snapping his jaws shut.  
I felt my heart clench together from sorrow. I walked up to him. "Alec, look at me," I whispered, "please." His eyes focused back on me and I saw the everlasting sadness. "You don't belong there, either. But we will have each other, right?"  
His expression softened and he cupped my face with one strong hand. His thumb brushed softly over my bottom lip. "You're beautiful."  
His words ignited sparks down my spine and I took his hand and pulled it away from my face. His eyes shot up from my lips. "Kiss me," I demanded longingly.  
Alec moved in closer, enveloping me in his arms, drenching me in his scent. His lips landed on mine, without any hesitation, without holding back as if I could break any second now. He wasn't cold anymore and his lips molded against mine as I answered his kiss with equal passion.

With Alec by my side, I knew I could make through any of the hurdles Caius would place in my way.  
With Alec, I knew I was strong enough to survive.  
With Alec, the red crimson would no longer stand for blood but for passion.  
With Alec, being undead was a privilege.  
I could finally stop running.


End file.
